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Beyond the Couch with Dr. Sally Nazari

Aug 24, 2017


Today, we will be talking how assertiveness improves our relationships with psychotherapist and coach Dr. Julie Hanks, author of the Assertiveness Guide for Women.

Julie de Azevedo Hanks, PhD, LCSW is a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist specializing in women’s emotional health and relationships. Dr. Hanks is the founder and director of Wasatch Family Therapy, author of The Burnout Cure and The Assertiveness Guide for Women, a blogger, a local and national media contributor, an online mental health influencer, a life coach and a private practice consultant, and an award-winning performing songwriter. To learn more visit or connect with @drjuliehanks on social media. 

What We’ll Learn:

Dr. Hanks and I discuss the ways that our relationships can actually be strengthened with assertiveness so that we can go on to connect in more loving, fulfilled ways with our loved ones. She shared three top tips for asserting ourselves in relationships:

1) Before you can be assertive ask yourself these three questions about the situation:

  • What do I think?
  • What do I feel?
  • What do I want?
  • What do I need?

2) OSCAR Assertiveness Tool

  • O - Observe the Situation
  • S - Sort Thoughts and Feelings
  • C - Compassionately communicate
  • A - Ask Clarifying Questions
  • R - Request Directly

3) When Communicating Choose the "Lantern Stance" 

There are three communication stances: doormat (passive), sword (aggressive or passive aggressive), and the lantern.Imagine yourself standing with your feet shoulder width apart, centered and balanced, holding up a lantern as high as you can reach illuminating the situation. Envision yourself standing up straight, feeling strong and not easily swayed. Imagine inviting the person you are interacting with to step into the lantern’s light with you and ask this person to describe his or her experience and perspective. 

You can access a free chapter of Dr. Hanks’ Assertiveness Guide for Women at

I would love to hear what thoughts you have about the ways we can better enrich our relationships through assertiveness! Be sure to share with us in our social media communities listed below so we can celebrate with you!



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Be sure to get an intro to Mindfulness with my cheat sheet and bonus audio sample here: